Trilogy Review: Robocop

Dead or alive, you're coming with me.

I never really watched RoboCop when I was younger, I was more on the Terminator side of things back then, but I had the big action figure, it was awesome. I even had the first film's poster on my wall.
Now there is a remake coming out... sadly.
A remake that heralds more remakes of things I grew up with (I see you, Terminator) but at least I get to rewatch these films, and for some of you, you can be shown what really matters. None of this 12A garbage they are teaching you to like.

I have seen RoboCop and RoboCop 2 before now, but I haven't seen RoboCop 3 yet...

RoboCop (1987)

Probably regarded as Paul Verhoeven's first big directorial debut, Robocop is one of the iconic 1980s film characters, up there with Batman and the Terminator. Even today, the 1987 film still stands up to any scrutiny.

Alex Murphy (played by Peter Weller, a man with killer cheekbones) husband and father, is a cop relocated to Detroit's struggling police department in a time of high crime and corporate greed. Clarence Boddicker, a crime boss who works with impunity, and a company CEO look to place military grade robots in cities to replace the degraded police force and take control.
However when on assignment, Murphy is maliciously gunned down and killed by Boddicker's men, only for a rival corporation to revive him as an autonomous servant of justice. But is there anything left of Murphy's humanity left?

It is easy to forget, twenty-seven years down the line, how bloody and violent Robocop really is, and it doesn't hold back. Murphy's horrific murder occurs in the film's first act and mentally scarred a generation for good reason! But I don't want you to get the wrong impression, I love the film's dedication to using ridiculous amounts of blood squibs and physical stunts. This is what the late 80s were best at, the action in this film is simple but wonderfully executed.
The Robocop himself is cumbersome, he walks and moves with deliberately jerky motions, but when the action starts, he is an unstoppable force.

I could get side-tracked and go on about the action, ED-209 and all, but what's nice about the film is its more subtle story telling with its characters. Very little is told about Murphy before his death, just enough to get us to understand quite how much has been lost. It is a story of the corporate desire to replace human beings with computers, only here it is literal. Murphy is dead, his body is completely mechanised, his family left, there's nothing for him to hold on to yet his humanity lingers and tries to recover within the bonds of corporate designs.

Possibly Paul Verhoeven's best work, it is a simple concept now but it still strikes a cord even in today's world. It has the director's signature satire and humour throughout, and not-so-subtle messages of greed and corporate take overs (got to love those TV adverts, one for a board game called "Nukem", were you dictate nuclear war on other nations)

If you haven't seen Robocop, what are you doing with your life? Sure some of the composite special effects with the monstrous ED-209 have dated, but it is a solid action movie (and let's not forget in this day and age, an original movie) and it demands your attention.

  

Additional Marshmallows: Did you know, that there has been an ongoing campaign to erect a Robocop statue in the city of Detroit? There is a kickstarter for it, check it out.

RoboCop 2 (1990)

From the director of Empire Strikes Back, the sequel to the 1987 classic is clearly designed to be a little more mainstream, quite it isn't a bad film, it certainly lacks the original's satire and a lot of the human element.

RoboCop 2 sees the OCP corporation looking to refine the RoboCop Law Enforcement Unit with a new design, but cannot recreate the perfect blend of man and machine such as Alex Murphy. At the same time, they are unsympathetic to Alex's returning humanity, and demand he forget about his family.
In Detroit, a drug baron is selling a new drug to the masses and causes unrest in the city's politics.

RoboCop 2 is one of those sequels, a sequel fresh out of new ideas and makes do with what it has. You could say that this entire film branches only off the memorable ED-209 test sequence in the original film; so much time here is spent on the promise of a new and improved machine... despite the fact RoboCop himself isn't flawed asides from his human feelings (from the corporation's point of view, anyway). Yet the solution to this is taking the mind of a criminal and putting it into a robot? Uhhhhhm...

It definitely has its flaws. This film should have focused on Alex Murphy's returning humanity and his need for family. It starts out with these intentions at heart, but suddenly boom, his wife's out of the story and never mentioned again. He doesn't even rail against the corporation's demands, he just accepts it and moves on? A huge emotional core of his character was ignored, and therefore his character is at a narrative stand still.

Effects wise, it is very impressive. The title may be RoboCop 2 by default, but in fact the new replacement robot in the film is called by name "RoboCop 2" (it is a little perplexing to hear repeated so often) and the action sequences in the final act are very well made with good stop-motion animation.
As if calling the film's name and number was weird enough... the attempts to replicate Paul Verhoeven's satire and humour dies a lousy death. There's something about Verhoeven films that cannot be easily replicated, and this is a good example. The satire here is just... odd and unorthodox, often raising an eyebrow rather than a laugh. Why was there a shrine to Elvis in the villain's lair that included a skeleton of Elvis??

It isn't bad, but it is missing all of the opportunities laid out by the first film. While there are memorable moments (RoboCop being dismantled, the criminal kid Hob using his right as a minor to avoid arrest, etc) they don't amount to enough for a full feature, and the end fight sequence becomes a little tiresome.

Additional Marshmallows: Did you know that this was director Irvin Kershner's last film? His final directorial work was an episode of television's SeaQuest 2032.

Oh, and the stupid music over the end credits; RoboCop does not need his name sung all romantically.
"Roooooobocoooop, Rooooooobocoooop!"
Geez.

RoboCop 3 (1993)

Firstly, look at that poster. That face in the background... could he pucker those lips anymore?? CavemanCop more like.
   
I think the hardest pill to swallow with the deplorable RoboCop 3 is that Frank Miller was the screenwriter...

This film's backstory is so poorly executed I have trouble reciting it now... OCP turns on its own people and merges with a Japanese corporation, implementing a "rehab" military force to evict Detroit citizens so they can take over the city. RoboCop, really doesn't do very much.

So for starters, Peter Weller doesn't reprise the lead role, and while this doesn't affect it greatly; the mask is pretty well enclosing, but you do notice it. RoboCop has more lines, and it is really surprising how badly acted Robert John Burke's mouth is... he juts his chin out as if to fit the costume! It looks idiotic.

The character of Alex Murphy continues to be mistreated, RoboCop 3 feels like a cash in worse than the second film; they have so little idea what to do with his character, they bench him for most of the film! Enter Nikko, a ten year old girl who can hack into and reprogram ED-209 units (for example), and a host of other characters who form a resistance force against OCP. Nancy Allen returns as Murphy's partner Anne, but is criminally underused.

The villains are hopeless.
They just are.
We have the most stock British bad guys I have seen in a long time, allied with shadowy Japanese businessmen who send ninjas (yes, actual ninjas) to defeat RoboCop. Okay, so RoboCop taking on ninjas, as cumbersome as he is... could be exciting right? Well, the film builds it up all right. Massive, massive disappointment.

The tone of the film is completely off. I said RoboCop 2 was lacking Paul Verhoeven's satire? Well this film proved me wrong! The humour here just... dies. It literally dies. Its deader than Elvis. My god. You'd have to be drunk or high to appreciate it. A man who is in the police station shouts at the sergeant: "RoboCop?? You got an AlienCop too? How about a GhostCop??" What... what does that even mean?
How's the violence, you ask, it has a 15 certificate after all? I actually don't know why it has a 15, this is easily a 12A by today's standards. Sure there's a few bloody gunshots and splats of red on people, but otherwise this is virtually kid friendly. "Crime" in Detroit is initially shown with a lady pushing a trolley of empty cans, only for her trolley to be hit by a car and for someone to mug her. Oh. My. God. Someone call RoboCop, quick! He'll save her, diving a pink cadillac, that cartoonishly falls apart.
That also happens...

This is the Terminator: Rise of the Machines of the RoboCop series, and I feel bad for Alex Murphy. I feel bad that his story was never told, that screenwriters just got lazy and wrote a shoddy shooter script with no heart at all.
This was the first time I watched this film, I'd seen the other two, and honestly I wish I hadn't; it is embarrassing for the character.

Additional marshmallows: At the start of the film, Nikko has the very same RoboCop toy I grew up with... Normally if it were Verhoeven I'd say that was witty satire, but in this film it was just straight-up marketing.

This was the last film (of only three...) that director Fred Dekker as directed to date. Guess it wasn't his big break, huh...



Ultimately, I feel pretty bad for the RoboCop series now. It has been a terrible downward slide into a laughable nonsense; never surviving the 90s, it had a television show "Prime Directives", then faded into memory.
Now... the cruelest fate has befallen Alex Murphy. A remake. A certificate 12A remake.

My only blessing is that I got to watch the original again, and it really is worth another watch. RoboCop 2, eh, is okay. 

Review: The Wolf of Wall Street

Martin Scorsese's three hour epic dive into the corrupted, misogynistic and power hungry world of one Jordan Belfort's career as a wealthy stockbroker.

Jordan Belfort started out with a incurable lust for money, so it was only fitting he should seek a job at Wall Street's stock market. Only a few days into his time there, after learning the ways of conning and pilfering money through shorthand methods, the Wall Street crash of 1987 occurs. Without a job, Jordan starts his own stockbroker company with a ragtag selection of salesmen. 
But with his skills and natural confidence, the company explodes into a riotous, drug-fueled yet successful business, and soon Jordan's (and his co-workers') excessive lifestyle begins to shrink the ground beneath his feet.

Martin Scorsese is one of the great directors in modern Hollywood, and his affinity with our lead actor Leonardo DiCaprio here has never appeared stronger. DeCaprio oozes self confidence and roars with egotistical nonsense at every turn, so sincere and compelling that he both disappears into the role and keeps you invested for the film's entire run time. This confident director/lead actor synergy pours into its supporting cast, Jonah Hill (someone I never really focus on) surprises with every scene he's in.

The script is almost Tarantino in its brutality and pacing, and this coupled with Scorsese's very honest directing style, makes the film fly by.

But it isn't exactly an easy film to watch. Jordan Belmont is a drug and sex addicted warmonger of the financial sector. While you find yourself amused and often sympathetic for his cause, his actions are insane and reckless. The film is crammed with sex, drugs and a litany of misconduct, not for the faint hearted! But the film balances its recklessness with a lot of levity through the unhinged humour of its characters. Midget tossing, anyone?

I guess if I had to dig at something, it is only that the story is relatively straight forward, you won't be too surprised where the characters' directions are going, but you will be taken aback by the moments they have. That and the editing seemed off slightly, I would see little inconsistencies between cuts. But, that is me being cynical.

Shock value aplenty here. Highly recommended for the performances of everyone involved, everything else is incredible window dressing of the worst, most indulgent kind.

Review: Hummingbird

Its another Jason Statham movie! January? More like... Stathuary!

Joseph is an ex-soldier who had operated in the middle east, now he is a homeless thief in London. When a girl he knows disappears he gets his act together as a paid thug for a Chinese crime network, stealing another man's identity along the way. However his immoral lifestyle is countered by Cristina, a nun working in the mission that had helped him and other homeless people.

Unlike every other Statham movie (very much its own genre at this point) Hummingbird is a surprisingly morose, quiet and involving film. Statham's Joseph is a troubled man tormented by visions on his past, living in a state of desperation. I'll be honest, I didn't even recognise him for the first few minutes of screen time!
This troubled and tired Statham is almost completely lost when his character breaks into an apartment and tidies himself up. I was afraid good ol' Jason was back already and the film would descend once more into a mire of shoot outs.
But, amazingly, it didn't. Cristina (Agata Buzek) holds just as much of the screen as he does, and brings a lot of conviction in her role. As a result a more human Statham is expressed as the plot dabbles with their relationship and how Joseph's character can possibly find peace.

But... the film is quite clunky too. For all its pacing, quiet moments and focus on character building Hummingbird didn't feel like it knew what it was doing. Joseph's objective isn't clear, and while the interaction with Cristina is great, half-way through you might be asking yourself: "Why is any of this happening?"
Trying to write a synopsis for this film is difficult, put it that way.

I enjoyed it for the atmosphere, for seeing Statham in a more challenging role, and seeing a film providing deeper characters for him to play off of.
It isn't your typical Statham flick; if you are looking for his usual brawls and shoot outs you will be disappointed (you might even turn it off thirty minutes in!) but if you're like me and want to see him do something different, give it a shot.

 

Review: Safe

It's another Jason Statham movie!

A young girl Mei has a gift of remembering numbers and after being used by the Triads to hold the combination to an important safe, she is pursued not only by them but also corrupted cops and Russian mobsters. Only Jason Statham can protect her!

It is funny how the man is literally his own genre of movies nowadays... I'd have to look up IMDB just to remember his character's name because it was so underused, relinquished as a subheading beneath his own name.
That in a way sums up Safe quite nicely; it is a film without any substance or story or integrity, it just blasts along with the pacing of an unloading Uzi and the character relationship of a punch to the head.

It starts out with some questionable editing choices; scenes are shredded together like some sort of ransom note, Statham's story told quietly next to Mei's own backstory. Mei's story told initially with a cumbersome flashback-within-flashback nonsense that really took me out of caring. Statham however, was more intriguing at first. His character... oh okay, I'll look up the name... Luke Wright (giggle, Look Right) starts out broken and lost, far from the usual self confidence we see from Statham. Interesting!
But, somewhere down the line he turns back into the bad-ass we all know, and the film too dissolves into a manic chase with Mei becoming little more than an object, a ball being passed to and from players in a match. Gun battles, some exposition, more gun battles.

Which is kinda sad... there's a lot of potential squandered between Mei and Look Right, I would have liked to see the grisly bodyguard finding himself through the need to protect the child... but nope. That only surfaces right at the end of the film, after we've forgotten everything that happened in the first five minutes.

It is a Jason Statham movie, you already know if you are going to like it or not. Tonnes of gun fights, loads of Statham punching and killing people to a perpetual background noise of innocent screaming.
For Statham, it ain't bad, for a waste of time it isn't bad either. Just dial your expectations down!

Additional Marshmallows: At least Safe had the decency to have its foreign characters speak their own languages when they should! Subtitles and all! Unlike... oh, I don't know... Spielberg's own Warhorse!

Review: Primer

Primer is an independent film that received acclaim at the Sundance festival, and I often struggle to review indie films... they can be very good, other times they just. don't. grip me. Primer is one of the the latter.

A film set in contemporary America, Primer follows four entrepreneur scientists (specifically two, Abe and Aaron) who inadvertently invent... a time machine.

Everything is filmed in a very realistic, down to earth fashion; dialogue is extremely underplayed, scenes come and go quietly and unassumingly. This is mostly my biggest problem with Primer... The first act is incredibly boring.
I know some people will enjoy the realistic characterisation and dialogue that doesn't feel scripted, but I need exposition and details that I can understand. Our characters are barely introduced, they are four nondescript young scientists who we see spouting endless jargon at each other, jargon that (unless you are a scientist yourself??) will not elude to anything and will leave you out in the cold. Whether intentional or not I got the impression that these young guys just invented a time machine... unintentionally.

Once the machine is constructed, the plot can finally get going with the morality of having invented such a device, and the contemporary framing device makes the premise extremely strong. The second act is surely the strongest due to our steady understanding of how this machine works, and how our two protagonists "work", I started to see who they were as people. Surely now the film can ramp into some unique, engaging storytelling using time travel within their every day lives?
Hmmmm, not really.
Again, the film's laborious first act which set up nothing comes back to plague the film's final climax. Maybe I just ignored some crucial piece of dialogue early on, but honestly I had no idea why or what our characters were doing by the end, and the film just kinda stopped.

But isn't that a problem with the film? Sure, I personally didn't get it... but the film's deliberate obscurity early on just destroys a lot of the potential the premise had.

If you are a scientist, and/or enjoy very minimalist films that give little to no exposition, Primer will probably interest you more than it did me. It is by no means bad despite what I've just said, it would probably benefit a second viewing (but that's not what Cinema Cocoa does! I give you my first impressions) and none of the issues I have are to do with budget, which is normally a hindrance for indie productions but here, they work with what they have very effectively.

Its just the lack of exposition, the lack of characters I can relate to and the lack of a final, unique and clever climax that the indie film really needed, that killed it for me.

Review: Hitchcock

An interesting piece of film trivia packaged with some excellent casting choices.

Hitchcock follows the "master of suspense" Alfred Hitchcock and his wife Alma in the true story of their struggle to produce the classic film Psycho, and how the film was nearly never made.

While I can't say the film gripped me necessarily, it was certainly well produced and well acted; the set dressing, costume and make-up are very convincing and immerses you in the time period, which I think is the best a film like this can hope to achieve. After all, we know the film Psycho gets made and is a huge success.
I'd say that Anthony Hopkins appearance as Hitchcock is perhaps the weakest in appearance, but that's only because Hitchcock is a very identifiable man. He does however convey the power, conviction and troubled mind of the man.
Award for best dead ringer goes to James D'arcy as Norman Bates' actor Anthony Perkins, disturbingly similar!

I guess I knew very little of Hitchcock and the sort of man he was, so this film was both eye opening and a little lukewarm at the same time. We see his wife Alma (Helen Mirren) struggle as her husband becomes possessive towards his beautiful leading lady Janet Leigh (Scarlet Johansson) and I can't say I even knew about this! So the film focuses almost entirely upon the hardships Alma dealt with being married to such a creative man, and the sacrifices he is prepared to put them through.
My favourite parts were the scenes obviously put in to show the time period of film, specifically the censorship rules. You cannot show a toilet! At all! The film is quite fascinating in these respects.

It is more about the people involved than the film itself. I don't think I will watch Psycho with any particular added intrigue, more I will watch any Hitchcock film in general with more awareness of the man's techniques and personality.

I'd say its recommended for film buffs and biopic fans. Most people will probably find it either slow or not particularly special. The casting choices and the production efforts are remarkable though.

 

The Best and Worst of 2013

So another year bites the dust, and I get to compile my annual list for 2013!

Same rules apply as always (and please feel free to look back at previous years!) I don't only watch films in the theatres, I also watch DVDs and include them. Of course, only films I've never seen before!
(I can't have Pan's Labyrinth win every year... can I?)

So without further ado, here is it, in descending order, the best and worst of 2013!

1. Cloud Atlas
It certainly divides opinions, but I got completely involved with Cloud Atlas. A real testimony to quite how complex a story narrative can become; six diverse stories within different time periods, editing to and from each. Yet despite this complexity, one narrative comes through.
I find myself thinking about its multiple subtexts and messages too often!

2. Django Unchained
Quentin Tarantino always gives a radically different cinema experience, but with Django Unchained it became something more than his recent work; the film is loaded with integrity. Leonardo DiCaprio and Christoph Waltz steal the show, and Jamie Foxx is excellent as the lead.

3. Rush
Formula One is a misunderstood sport nowadays, and a little lost. Rush is a perfect biopic covering one of the most incredible rivalries in the sport's history, Daniel Bruhl and Chris Hemsworth play Niki Lauda and James Hunt with great accuracy, and director Ron Howard captures everything with an intense, emotional lense.

4. Paranorman (2D)
I was disappointed missing this in the cinema last year... now I am even more disappointed I missed it! Paranorman, by the studio that gave us Coraline (another top 10 spotter) continue their fun, adventurous and creative stop-frame animation style, with all the darkness and scariness still in place.

5. It's a Wonderful Life
I've been described as against older films... which frankly isn't true! It's a Wonderful Life really is as good as everyone says it is. A character based reflective storyline that will warm even the most cynical of hearts.
There isn't much I can say, other than see this movie at Christmas time if you haven't already!

6. Modern Times
A Cinema Cocoa fan suggestion, and it won out! My first Charlie Chaplin film to review, and Modern Times surprised me with its great variety of physical acting and set pieces. But most of all, the incredible way that a film shot in 1936 can have so much to say about, well... "modern times"!

7. Gravity (3D)
Asides from being a deathly gripping ride, showing the utterly relentless danger that exists for those brave enough to go into space... Gravity is only 90 minutes long. It only tells us so much, there's only two characters. It is so rare today to see a film so clever and intense and yet so precise and simple!
Haunting, terrifying and intense.

8. Pacific Rim (2D)
Giant robots punching giant monsters!
You need more than that? Guillermo Del Toro directing giant robots punching giant monsters!
Why are you asking for more? I don't understand...?
IT USES A OIL TANKER SHIP ON A GIANT MONSTER LIKE A BASEBALL BAT!

9. Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
Now this is my kind of rom-com. A rom-com where the world literally ends.
A Steve Carell film in my top ten? Strange. But Seeking a Friend is unusual, quirky yet feels very genuine.

10. White Heat
Waaaay back in January I treated myself to my first James Cagney film. 1949's White Heat is something of a testimony to blockbuster films done right. Directors of today would learn a lot about how to make concise, time saving and exciting stories instead of bloated 160 minute marathons. The film is a gem of editing and precise storytelling.



 
Filth
Star Trek: Into Darkness (2D)
Prisoners
Trance
Punch-Drunk Love
Robot and Frank
Thor - The Dark World (2D)
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (3D)
Oblivion
Evil Dead (2013)
Elysium
Quiz Show
Wreck-It Ralph (2D)
The Place Beyond the Pines
Kick-Ass 2
Oz the Great and Powerful
Hansel and Gretel
Frozen (2D)
Zero Dark Thirty
Lincoln
Rec 2
Mirrors
Running Scared
The Wolverine (2D)
Zathura: A Space Adventure
Iron Man 3 (3D)
Elf
Now You See Me
Fast and Furious (#4)
Seven Pounds
Despicable Me (2D)
Seven Psychopaths
Monsters University (2D)
Riddick
The Croods (2D)
The Last Stand
Despicable Me 2 (2D)
Maniac
The Hunger
The Proposal
You're Next
The Angel's Share
Lockout
Stoker
The Lone Ranger
The Pit and the Pendulum (1961)
Killing Them Softly
The Wolfman (2010)
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
Fast and Furious 6
Fast Five
Man of Steel (2D)
The Sweeney
World War Z (2D)
Troll Hunter
Repo Men
GI.Joe - Retaliation (2D)
Epic (2D)
Vexille
Frankenweenie (2D)
The Man with the Iron Fists
Safe House
Jack Reacher
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
Bullet to the Head
Cosmopolis

10. A Good Day to Die Hard
Ugh. Die Hard 5 isn't even problematic because it is an outdated genre movie... it is a problem because (asides being brainless and hideously repetitive) it encapsulates what I HATE about the current 12A/PG-13 society. I hate it. An iconic hero of action films cannot even say his own catchphrase?? You ARE kidding me right?

9. Flight
If Die Hard 5 did that, then Flight encapsulates my hate for studios false advertising their films! The film in the trailer was not the film I wasted two hours watching. An ugly, unpleasant grind through Denzel Washington's drunken anti-hero's self destruction.
Stop, just stop selling the wrong film. It won't do you any favours!

8. Battleship
It is Battleship, the board game, turned into a film. Need I say more?
However, its teaser trailer was promising; a claustrophobic alien battle lost out on the open ocean, limited supplies against unknown aggressors.
Nah. Let's have a huge, bloated pile of nonsense that spans the globe, with a romance thrown in and... Rihanna. 

7. Survival of the Dead
George A. Romero, master of horror and father of the zombie film... what happened to you? Really, I don't know if you are making some jib on society or something with this garbage, but even with the shoe string budget you can surely make something more worth while than this??
Terrible accents, a plot of gibberish, poor use of zombie effects. Just plain dead.

6. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace
A lot of people just gasped. Superman 4 is regarded as the worst of the worst. But I will defend it:
It is terrible.
But at least it has the excuse of a budget cut down to a quarter and its script being massacred. I felt it was at least inventive, and a Superman story, unlike...

5. Superman III
Dizzying how Superman 3 is only fifth worst; this film physically hurt my head! Utter, utter nonsense from the moment it starts to the moment it ends, with only the briefest of detours into some semblance of quality.
It starts with burning toy penguins! It ends with some massive super computer originally designed on chocolate wrappers by Richard Pyor! AAH! MY HEAD AGAIN.

4. 2 Fast 2 Furious
An education in stupidity. You think Fast and Furious 6 was stupid? No. 2 Fast 2 Furious is so bad even its title is retarded.
Enter Tyrese Gibson's character, who eats all of the scenery without a pesky plot to shackle him.
Plus... everyone's wearing the loudest shirts, and all the girls are in bikinis, bro!

3. The Devil Inside
There are bad found footage films, but then there is The Devil Inside. "Based on a true story" and "The Vatican does not endorse this film", haha, reaaally. The Vatican doesn't endorse the idea that they lock away real people who are really demonically possessed in an asylum, then just release said possessed person into the custody of a clueless daughter. Of course!

2. xXx 2: State of the Union
By all accounts, this is the worst film I've seen this year. Whoever thought Ice Cube could replace Vin Diesel in a physical action movie series deserves a smack over the head. XXX2 isn't in any way explicit content, it is only explicitly stupid.

1. Ozombie
One wonderful, wonderful.... Cinema Cocoa fan... gave me this film in a bid for the worst spot.
Well done, sir. Ozombie, the straight-to-DVD interpretation of Osama Bin Laden returning as a zombie was truly terrible. It wasn't even fun, like most spoof films are; it was just bad, bad, bad, badly made.





 
Some of you might be disappointed with my inclusion of DVD films, Ozombie and Modern Times not good enough for you on the ends of the spectrum, eh?
Well here is a second list, a list of Cinema Release Only films, for a more polarising view of 2013's offerings.
(Plus I get to put Man of Steel in the bottom 10 this way!)



Cinema Release Only:

01. Cloud Atlas
02. Django Unchained
03. Rush
04. Pacific Rim (2D)
05. Gravity (3D)
06. Filth
07. Star Trek: Into Darkness (2D)
08. Prisoners
09. Trance
10. Robot and Frank

Thor - The Dark World (2D)
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (3D)
Oblivion
Evil Dead (2013)
Elysium
Kick-Ass 2
Oz the Great and Powerful
Lincoln
Wreck-It Ralph (2D)
The Place Beyond the Pines
Hansel and Gretel (2D)
Frozen (2D)
Zero Dark Thirty
The Wolverine (2D)
Iron Man 3 (3D)
Now You See Me
Monsters University (2D)
Riddick
The Croods (2D)
The Last Stand
Despicable Me 2 (2D)
Maniac
You're Next
Stoker

10. The Lone Ranger
09. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
08. Fast and Furious 6
07. Man of Steel (2D)
06. World War Z (2D)
05. GI.Joe - Retaliation (2D)
04. Epic (2D)
03. Bullet to the Head
02. A Good Day to Die Hard
01. Flight


Look at this, you get two lists for the price of one! Or maybe I just like making lists...



So my final thoughts on 2013's films... While some I missed (Captain Phillips, The Heat) the average this year was surprisingly high! It was very difficult to decide on the top end, I had to resist shuffling them around as the year went on it was that close.
Don't despair that your favourite film was somehow just below another film you thought was worse... Star Trek: Into Darkness above Prisoners? It could easily be the other way around, it is that close in my mind.

Films like Prisoners, Filth, Wreck-it Ralph, Oblivion all deserve special mention that I couldn't give. I really liked those.


There have been a few bad missteps in 2013... Die Hard 5 was truly deplorable, and really proves that another should not come to be. Man of Steel divided the audience more than any other film I've known in a long time... I personally thought it was a big mistake. Iron Man 3 was pretty tedious too, and I hope it makes Marvel think about its future and not just the money it made.

2014!
We'll get X-Men: Days of Future Past, Captain America 2: Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy, Edge of Tomorrow, Maleficent, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and.........
Transformers 4! (that will be a Cinema Cocoa extravaganza!)

Oh, and Hunger Games... again...
and...
a Planes sequel?? Seriously??

Bye! Happy New Year!