Review: The Cabin in the Woods

Looks like Buffy creator Joss Whedon has found a big screen playground all for himself!


*I am making this as spoiler free as possible!*


I was intrigued to see Cabin in the Woods, but not obsessed; unlike some people I didn't realise this has been in the works for some time now, and I merely knew "it does things differently". That's enough for me.
I see a lot of films, an awful lot, and some times they start to look and sound the same. Cabin in the Woods is a Scream-esque homage to the horror genre, but less of a parody and more of an actual twist on the genre. Five young friends go off on a road trip to spend a weekend in a woodland cabin, but when they arrive they awaken evil and uncover the multiple layers of secrets behind it.


It is very hard to talk about this one without giving away the linchpin of its originality. So I recommend seeing this, it is a gore fest full of Joss Whedon humour (seriously, fans of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, Serenity should probably check this out!) and has a punchy subtext about every generic horror movie ever made. If you are a fan of your horror films, I'm sure you'll pick up on this.

Some might see its deliberate clichés as exactly that, clichés, but that is in fact the point of the thing. Is that in itself uninventive? Well, that's up to the viewer, but Whedon always likes to have underlying ideas in his works, and doesn't beat you over the head with them.
While I wasn't blown away by it as the hype was suggesting I should be, it was one of the more entertaining and original takes on the teen horror movie genre.


In a nutshell, watch and read as little as possible. This review cannot express what goes on, but I can say that even watching the trailer gave away too much! Perhaps when the popularity dies down, and it becomes one of many random horror rentals, it'll shine all the brighter.


Not as chilling or jump-scary as Woman in Black, but fun, gory and witty with its originality.

Review: Chico & Rita

Best Animated Feature Oscar Nomination proves to be simplistic but also charming.


Chico & Rita follows a young but extremely talented piano player in Havana who falls in love with a singer with big dreams. When Chico's agent Ramon tries to get Rita to perform with him, things get complicated and fate seems destined to keep them apart. The story takes the characters from the alleys of Havana, the streets of Paris to the glamour of Las Vegas. 


At first I wasn't sure about the animation style; I initially believed it had been rota-scoped, but upon investigation that isn't the case. The style certainly grows on you, especially after an exciting car chase in the first act. It should also be mentioned that Rita herself must go on the list of sexiest animated women.
The animation is quite adult orientated, not just with the occasional nudity but in its mellow pacing. I can't say I felt as moved as I maybe should have been; Chico and Rita's relationship yo-yo's frequently and I couldn't quite see them together.


But the best part of Chico & Rita has to be the soundtrack, set in 1948 Cuba the music is bebop, a style of jazz, and it makes all of the characters and animation style come to life. I might be seeing the obvious similarities to Japanese anime's Cowboy Bebop (a personal favourite) but the music here is excellent.


It might not be as memorable as it should be, mostly because it's a simple story, I just enjoyed the soundtrack.

Review: Wrath of the Titans

Just ninety minutes of massive CGI monsters and "epic" battles.


The old gods, Zeus and Hades find their powers and influence waning as mortals cease their prayers, and in a desperate act Hades opens the Underworld prison of Tartarus, freeing the titans and their ancient father Kronos. Now every immortal and demigod must choose a side, and Perseus must fight for the mortal life he chose.
All this talk of titans being released might remind you of last years Immortals, and there are plenty of similarities (except for Mikey Rourke in a silly hat) only Wrath feels slightly more in keeping with the mythology. Slightly.
I was a little saddened how the titans themselves were still underdeveloped or non-existent, the promotional images for Wrath suggested more diversity between them, yet most focus was given to the colossal Kronos battle. Cinematography used that irritating shaky camera once more, making the Minotaur fight a particularly lukewarm experience!
The story's surprise focus on Perseus' brother Ares, yes, the God of War, was gratifying and hammered home (no pun intended) the concept of mortal prayers empowering and weakening certain gods. It almost felt like there was underlying subtext at this point!


I could have used twenty minutes more though, to solidify some of the characters further and make it less like one long action sequence. Watching it beside Clash of the Titans might improve this however.

Review: Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists

Pirates! feels awfully short and a little wasteful on the characters, but it is an entertaining piratical romp.


The Pirate Captain, as he is known, is perhaps the least threatening and likeable terror-of-the-seas, and when he is laughed at for competing in the Pirate of the Year Awards he sets off to prove himself! His quest involves Queen Victoria, Charles Darwin, a plotting monkey and the Captain's own overly plump parrot.

There's a very British feel about The Pirates! which I found refreshing; I liked the choice of music, mostly pop and indie songs, and while the humour was classic 'Ardman Animation.
The film's narrative meat comes from the Pirate Captain's lack of infamy and his bid to reclaim unsavoury respect again. This is novel for a pirate film; a pirate being "pardoned" by the Queen of England becoming a death sentence for the pirate's honour. 
There are some nice ideas involved, and praise to 'Ardman for going back to clay animation (no more Flushed Away, please!) giving it a jolly vibe. The animation of the pirate ship was funny, hard to believe, but true.

The negatives are purely due to the film being very short, and not substantial enough. While I greatly appreciate shorter films in this day and age, Pirates! didn't give all of the characters (and a decent voice cast!) quite enough time. For example, I'm sure Salma Hayek's character got maybe three lines?


Still, its a fun little romp. Harmless and nice to look at, probably good for a rental.

Additional Marshmallows: Also praise 'Ardman Animation for giving one of the pirate crew a Blue Peter badge on his hat for the entire film. Classic.

Review: Battle Royale (Batoru Rowaiaru)

You all knew this was coming, in the wake of The Hunger Games I figured it best to revisit what most people regard that book/movie's biggest inspiration.
Battle Royale is one of the top ten highest grossing films in Japan, and is also based off a book, it also follows a sadistic blood sport invented by adults to kill off a disrespectful youth culture.
A class of forty high school age students are abducted while on a school trip and brought to an isolated island, and are immediately told that only one of them can survive the next few days; they are required to kill each other and are each given a basic supplies and a random weapon.

While BR is far from a perfect movie, it has a simple structure compared to Hunger Games; children are given weapons and asked to kill each other. End. They aren't trained up, instead they must rely on their own knowledge and family backgrounds to help them survive; some are computer literate and they try to hack the game's system, for example. Others, helpless and innocent, are killed off immediately or commit suicide rather than fight.
But when a truly psychotic "transfer student" is in the mix, the odds of any children surviving is significantly reduced.

The antagonists of this movie aren't as flamboyant as The Capitol, but their school teacher's game feels more secure; each child has an exploding collar on, and the island is divided into zones which he can allocate as "danger zones", linger too long in a danger zone, and the collar explodes.
And of course, there's a lot of gore and killing in Battle Royale. Most of the forty children are exclusively killed off, weapons including scythes, pistols, submachine guns, shotguns and cross-bows. Not everyone gets offensive weapons however.


The Hunger Games does have a better role model than any of BR's characters however, and in light of today's lack of strong female role models, that does make the film stand out somewhat. But what makes Battle Royale more appealing to me is simply how these victims are just children, they have no training to make them equals. We can relate more to them, or at least to the terrible plight they find themselves in, they also show different ways of surviving and how forming into groups in this situation would not work!


Would I own Battle Royale or Hunger Games? Probably not... But it is an interesting compare and contrast, and BR for me feels more visceral, violent and true to the ethics of a "blood sport".

Review: Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus

This film has a blooper reel, seriously? This film IS a blooper reel!


I'm pretty sure most people who have any desire to see The Asylum's first "big hit" have done so already, but for those like me still getting around to it, here's another review.
So experimental sonar equipment frees two prehistoric monstrosities from a glacier, and it is up to American and Japanese oceanic scientists to save the entire ecosystem from destruction.

I have to admit I am impressed... at how MSvsGO was actually worse than I had expected! Easily worse than Asylum's Sherlock Holmes (though perhaps more... uhm... faithful to the material?) this film is your generic monster movie, but it doesn't even match most B-movies in quality! The acting is atrocious, that's a given, but most glaringly bad is the editing, which tries to give the viewer seizures with constantly flashing white during "action" scenes.
Yeah, the action scenes too are pretty horrible, reusing so much footage that the already predictable storyline becomes increasingly dull. You can't shoot footage of a warship idle at sea and pretend its firing cannons, it would only be less convincing if you had a kid beside you shouting "blam-blam!" instead.

The movie is utter trash. Yet it has a cult following and many versus monster movies have been made since. It does have one scene (which I had seen before) near the beginning which was hilarious and made the rest of the film totally defunct; there's no way you can top this.


Recommended only for very, very late night viewings with as many friends as possible! Otherwise, you will probably regret wasting your time.

Additional Marshmallows: After watching that Youtube clip and taking away all you need from this movie, check out this entertaining scientific look at Mega Shark! 

Review: The Hunger Games

I'm afraid to say it, but The Hunger Games left me starved of intrigue and commitment.


Jumping on the Lord of the Rings > Harry Potter > Twilight bandwagon, the film is based off a series of popular books (that I hadn't heard of until the film arrived) and follows a young girl sent into an arena of death against other children for the entertainment of a tyrannical, self-obsessed higher society.
Sounds pretty grim right? Unfortunately The Hunger Games feels terribly insecure, lacking self confidence in what it can and cannot show to a 12A / PG-13 audience, and decides to meander around and waste excessive amounts of time.
This is not the worst crime however, since it was expected, the worst flaw with the film is its lack of confidence in explaining itself. The plot literally makes stuff up continuously, like a child improvising a story: "Oh, oh, now we have fireballs that appear out of nowhere! Now they make these huge monsters appear with magic! Now they get help from the outside cos they're the main characters!" What the heck is any of this?? I didn't understand how it was happening as none of it was explained, great plot-holes loomed constantly, and with a run time of two hours and twenty, you'd think they would get around to some exposition!

The film also has some of the stupidest villains I've seen in a long time. We are talking 1980s cartoon villains. Not so much how they look, I dug that (even though The Fifth Element's designs by Jean-Paul Gaultier did it so much better) but how their entire society was hinged on a massive flaw i.e. The Hunger Games. Gladiatorial combat is no new concept, but it is particularly stupid when the dominant masters train up the helpless, angry majority. A majority prone to riots. Not just that, but thinking giving these poor people "hope" is a good idea? Hm, let's see: hope + training + wilderness survival (thanks to being shunned and native to the wilderness) + hero worship via Hunger Games = bad, stupid, retarded idea. Not to mention our heroes in this story trump them at their own game in such a ridiculously easy fashion, means they are completely useless as antagonists!


Anyway, I've gone on about the flaws... since there are a lot... The pros, well, I do like the concept (despite it being terribly implemented here) and the "Capitol" high society characters had some funny lines from time to time, and leading star Jennifer Lawrence was convincing as a young but strong female role model.

I'm sorry, but The Hunger Games strikes me as a "for the fans" production, I was disorientated by the insane camera work in the fight scenes (it made Transformers and Batman Begins feel like cruise holidays) and disconnected by the shallow explanations.