Review: Transformers - Age of Extinction (2D)

This first part in a new trilogy by Michael Bay has restored most of my faith in the film franchise! Most of it. This outing goes to far edgier, darker places and actually gives the titular characters time and space to breathe!

Set a few years after the events of the third film, Dark of the Moon, this new film opens with the bleak reality that humans have had enough of the Autobot/Decepticon war destroying Earth, the devastation of Chicago made as a public reminder of their menace. But the CIA has gone a step further: allying themselves with a mercenary Transformer called Lockdown, they are hunting down and killing all robots, including Autobots.
Optimus Prime, who has been in hiding since Lockdown's appearance, is discovered by kind hearted inventor Cade Yeager (that's quite the name) his daughter and her boyfriend. Optimus then vows never to defend Humanity again... the cost has become too high...

Let's talk about what's wrong with the film first. The robots have been given a new appearance, all except Bumblebee for the most part, and I don't really like them. What I like about the first films (especially 2007) is how you can see the vehicle (or alt) mode on the robot, here the characters are better and more distinctive, but the vehicle they turn into is completely lost. Example: the Autobot character Crosshairs has a longcoat, I have no idea how the coat goes into his car mode! Or Lockdown, he has a Lamborghini alt mode, but before he transformed into one I had no clue.
There are also new Transformers. Sufficed to say, humans have acquired technology to make their own Transformers, and they have a very, very different way of transforming; think of particles, totally breaking down and reforming. I didn't like that.

And tonnes of product placement. Good lord.

But you could say these things are superficial, I really enjoyed the film. I enjoyed the hell out of it!
You know all that dumb, childish, toilet humour of the first three films? You know: Sam's Mom; robot fart and pissing jokes; "Deep Wang"; Wheelie humping Mikeala's leg; basically all of TF:RotF? None of that presents itself here, and I am not exaggerating! With the focus on Mark Wahlberg's Cade the story takes a more mature, edgier feel. Sure, there's still humour, but it is wittier than the teenage-grade jokes before. Bumblebee has some very funny dialogue.
You know all that terrible rapid cutting and editing that plagued the first three films? Bay has actually listened to complaints and the action here is actually far more legible!
You also remember all the overpowering glorification of the US military in the previous films? Gone. The military doesn't even feature in this movie!
The robots take a more prominent role too. Lockdown is a vicious new villain! I really like his character, and the Autobots were lively, had very humanoid faces (something the fandom bemoaned about the first trilogy) and all very distinct from each other.

The first act is decent. We see that our human characters are genuine (if very borderline pretenteous, something Bay must avoid doing in the future!) I think Wahlberg knows how to work for Michael Bay, and the second act does some intense, dark stuff! I was actually surprised with some of the things they did: they clearly want to separate this from the pulpy, teenage melodrama of the previous films!
Of course, the third act becomes overlong and the film's runtime is barbaric at two hours forty-five minutes! Completely unnecessary. But as these films go on, I feel like I am watching a TV series and just binging on a whole season at once!

I will say it: I am stoked for more movies! If they can maintain what this film is going for, and don't screw it all up like they did with RotF, we could be on to a really good trilogy! I know what they are building up to now, there was a heavy theme of creators and creation in this film, and any fan will be able to tell you what's coming next. I liked this a lot.

If you never liked the original trilogy, this probably won't change your mind too much (despite the lack of toilet humour and edgier tone) but if you are one of those people who are on the fence, uncertain, this will make you a fan again!

Additional Marshmallows: Something else worth noting. The "Witwicky Trilogy" was certainly fun in a childish way, but what could happen is that this new trilogy goes too serious, that it stops having its sense of self-awareness.
I know that's what's in right now; to "Nolanify" everything, but I will be honest Transformers: Age of Extinction does borderline this sort of severity at times, and really... it doesn't work. Not because it is Michael Bay, but because it is a franchise based off toys!
   


   

Banter: Speaking as a fan...

Speaking as a fan, as someone who will defend Michael Bay's Transformer films (or the Bayformers, as they are called without affection) I will say right now: There's a myriad of awfulness scattered throughout the trilogy. There are scenes that are so bad that I still cringe and feel my childhood withering under their vast stupidity.
I am making an individual blog post about these scenes, to prove to you all that despite my apparent love for the films and my defense of their existence I agree with those that do not. I am not ignorant and I am not a fool (or "retarded" or a "fanboy" or an "idiot" or someone who doesn't appreciate good film-making!)
These scenes and these characters are so unnecessary, so hideous and often completely terrible that one can easily see why people hate entire movies because they are included.

I want you to know that I sympathise with your hate. If you argue with me about how bad they are, I won't try and convince you otherwise. I will however feel bad for you that these scenes I am about to list are exactly why you find so much venom and hatred towards films about giant robots fighting each other.

Word of warning, this post does contain spoilers for all three films.

Let us begin.    

Transformers (2007)

Glen:
Played by Anthony Anderson, an American comedian I'd never heard of before watching the film.

This character's main narrative addition was to provide data analyst Maggie the means to decrypt the Decepticon transmissions. For some reason this meant stealing the data away to his house, interrupting his cousin's game of Dance Dance Revolution (or similar) and shouting at his momma, only to climax with a SWAT team breaking in and tackling his cousin into a swimming pool. For some unknown reason, he was brought along for the film's third act to witness the All Spark... he then disappears from the narrative. Oh, he does help solve the crucial "We have no microphones" problem I suppose.

This guy does provide the odd laugh (the doughnuts) but ultimately he does not need to be there.

Miles:
Let me summarise everything the character Miles contributed to the film and its story, simultaneously reminding you what you know of him: He hung upside down from a tree.

That's it.
Honestly, if the term "narratively expendable" was in the dictionary, his picture would be there! Even Glen was given a reason to exist by the wandering plot but Miles... he literally did nothing but give the line: "Bros before Hos".

The Police Sheriff:
This is probably the first point in Bay's Transformers trilogy were audiences genuinely felt alienated; a momentary lapse in the senses that brings with it the thought: "What am I watching?"
Utterly needless. One isolated scene, one isolated character who never returns. The joke of the scene is Sam's dog is taking painkiller medications, the pillbox has "Mojo" printed on it (the dog's name), the Sheriff misunderstands that Mojo is slang for drugs... "hilarity" ensues...

Relevance!

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

This might take a while.

The "Kitchen Bots":
While Revenge of the Fallen opened (naturally) with a big action sequence, the Shanghai battle, we'd expect to get a healthy sequence of character development afterwards? Hahaha, not in Bay's universe. Enter one of the most cluttered, awfully designed fight sequences in the entire series, in my opinion.
To show Sam's shard of the All Spark has transformative powers, we get an ensemble of kitchen appliances changed into murderous Decepticons that proceed to chase him through his home. While these are probably a callback to the Transformer "minicons", they are really really badly designed. Taking the already "mangled metal" look to new extremes.
But then, if I told you that Michael Bay (due to the writer's guild strike) designed some of the RotF robots himself... well there's your answer.

The sequence is both awkward and unwelcome, and is the beginning of the end of RotF's credibility.

Sam's Mom:
Oh yeah, because everybody who saw 2007's Transformers demanded more of Sam's parents, I couldn't get on with my life for the endless comments, blogs, articles and forums based entirely on how incredible these characters were. Especially Sam's Mom's "masturbation talk".
The film introduces our family again not only with his Mom crying over Sam's move to college and his toddler-sized shoes she found, but continues relentlessly with their arrival at the college grounds...... and frankly, the rest is history. 
This exaggerated and overlong scene destroyed all possible credibility for this film and remains the spearhead of many haters' arguments against the film.
Why is it included? I actually have no idea.

The dogs:
It is a sequel see, so while we had one dog in the first film we naturally need TWO dogs now. Seriously, why? I didn't pay admission for precious seconds to be wasted on two dogs humping on a sofa. You aren't filming Youtube: The Movie.
Sure, having the two animals running away from their... kennel... birdhouse... thing... as it explodes is kinda funny, but I ask again, why?

Leo:
Leo's inclusion to the story was a screenplay choice. Because Sam has first hand experience of the Transformers and his no longer amazed or shocked like he was in the first film, the writers felt the need for another audience surrogate in case people hadn't seen the first film ahead of time.
What does this mean? Leo spends most of the second and third acts crying, moaning and screaming hysterically. Oh... joy.
Again, who cares if people haven't seen Transformers 2007? I doubt even those people do! This character could have been completely cut, from every scene he features. He doesn't feature in Dark of the Moon either.
He helps Sam locate Agent Simmons, but honestly, the film does include GIANT ALIEN ROBOTS that could have helped instead.

But I suppose we need internet culture and kitten calendars, wait.. what am I watching again?

The college Dean:
She only appears for one shot................................... But what I want to know is WHY she even needs to exist? Why did the screenplay progress to such a degree that this was necessary?
This single shot is actually my definition of what's wrong with this film.

Skids and Mudflap (aka The Twins):
I don't feel like I need to explain these two... surely everyone hates them by now?

Skids and Mudflap's inclusion is another device similar to Leo's, the screenwriters believed that Bumblebee, like Sam, had evolved with experience and that younger Autobots were required to fill the gap of inexperienced characters.
Because actual story evolution over a film franchise is so overrated!

What we get are Autobots created solely for the film series; they never featured in the original cartoons. More than that, they do next to nothing asides fight with the gestalt Decepticon Devastator, and spout as many racist cultural terms as possible. The film's finale actually forgets to mention what happens to them, and they do not feature in Dark of the Moon because of the massive audience backlash. Possibly the worst things to happen since Jar Jar Binks. 

Alice (aka the Pretender Transformer):
Even some fans of the entire Transformers franchise (and I mean toys, comics, cartoons and films) had never heard of the Pretender Transformers. Pretenders were a toyline Hasbro invented that bombed quite severely, and involved ugly plastic Transformers to be hidden inside a shell of plastic that looked like a human character. So Bay decided... paradoxically... to add this to his "bigger and better" second film!

Sure, we had Scorponok (an homage to Beast Transformers) in Transformers 2007, but the character of Alice is an obscure reference and also knocks a massive plothole in existing lore. If a Transformer could be so advanced that it could perfectly disguise itself as a human being.... why don't they all do that? Why not kidnap/kill Mikaela and replace her to get close to Sam?

Her inclusion provided a poorly executed lovers' quarrel between Mikaela and Sam, which did absolutely nothing for subsequent scenes asides prove Mikaela is incredibly dumb by not noticing the girl was a homicidal killer robot.
Perhaps if they knew Megan Fox was going to drop out of the series they could have capitalised on the story arc. Then again... why am I trying to justify this?     

Agent Simmons and too much information:
Do I need to write about this?
Okay, so sequels follow a trend of "more of the original, only better". We saw John Turturro disgraced by Mikaela (with plenty of reason, I might add!) by stripping down to some ugly, baggy Hawaiian boxer shorts.
But in Revenge of the Fallen... Simmons proves not only that the previous fashion was an off-day for him, but also proves he doesn't care about exposing himself, willingly undressing in broad daylight.
With a ridiculous foreground shot.
Thanks Bay... Thanks.

Completely avoidable, added nothing but a cheap laugh and an image scarred into audiences' collective minds forever. Why the scene exists, can never be answered.

(I really am very sorry I had to show you that again)

Egyptian checkpoint guard:
Did we really... really need a scene were Agent Simmons convinces an Egyptian police guard that Sam, Leo and Mikaela were is family so they could proceed? Would anyone think the film was unbelievable if they hadn't been shown this??
WHY does this exist??

Devastator's junk:
This example, is the most telling and most devastating (ba-dum TISH) for Michael Bay's creativity, or lack thereof.
Revenge of the Fallen was written and produced during the writer's guild strike, and as a result Bay himself "helped" with the script. Already that explains a lot, no?
Well, go onto the blu-ray extras for RotF and you will find documented footage of a concept artist showing Bay artwork for the Decepticon Devastator (sans testicles) Bay is seen looking at it before having a stroke of creative genius...

(seriously, go check it out: the RotF Special Features disc, under "The Human Factor" feature and in the "Seeds of Vengeance" chapter. It is truly depressing.)
Funnily enough, despite Devastator himself being made of several robots/construction vehicles, not one of those vehicles are equipped with wrecking balls.

Again, provides nothing but a cheap laugh at the robots' expense. If I were a robot with the name DEVASTATOR you know what I wouldn't do with two giant wrecking balls? I WOULDN'T HANG THEM USELESSLY BETWEEN MY LEGS FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON AT ALL.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Carly's butt camera:
Now... normally this sort of thing wouldn't qualify in a list like this, especially given this is a Michael Bay film and this is expected. But this example, this scene, is Bay at his most deliberate and self gratifying.
Dark of the Moon opens with the Autobot and Decepticon war that destroys most of Cybertron, important and valuable history never shown in the film series in such detail. This follows with the serious, inspirational (and not to mention, a proud American moment) NASA moon landing that is sanctioned by President Kennedy to uncover the Transformer Ark space ship, integral to the plot of the film. You can imagine, serious overtones, dark foreshadowing, lots of men in suits talking and looking grim.
Then BOOM. One cut later and we see Michael Bay's camera practically climbing up and inside his not-Megan-Fox starlet-of-the-day Rosie Huntington-Whitely.

There's juxtaposition, then there's just smashing the audience in the face with how much you don't care.

Carly, herself:
So between Revenge of the Fallen and the third film, Michael Bay and Megan Fox fell out over creative differences. Fox was quoted as saying something like: "I want to be in films that require actual acting" - only to go and star in Jonnah Hex. Good job, Megan.
So because Bay needs a hot girl, the third film introduces Carly as Sam's new girlfriend, and that is about all she is to the storyline. My gripe is that, in terms of character development (and making the best of an actress leaving your franchise) having Sam single during Dark of the Moon would have been far more powerful!
Sam is lost and angry: he has lost everything, lost his girlfriend, lost his hero status, lost Bumblebee, lost his purpose. He has nothing and he hates himself for it. Oh, but he does have this supermodel-hot girlfriend for no discernible reason. Wait... how?

Something we suffer from with Bay, he doesn't understand that sometimes having less is to actually get more. 

Dutch:
Alan Tudyk, what are you doing?
This character is a mystery to me. So at some point Agent Simmons required to get a butler/bodyguard, played by cult favourite Alan Tudyk. He seems relatively meek and straightforward, a background character without much purpose. But during Simmons' unmemorable subplot, Dutch goes berserk and awakens some dormant military training that Simmons had been repressing... what am I... what even is this?

Sam Vs Starscream:
During the film's finale, we see much loved Decepticon Starscream attempt to destroy Sam, to not only fail... but to be killed in the process.

Dark of the Moon did a lot to show that humans could also fight Transformers. That's fine... the original 1980s cartoon did as much (sometimes, and usually with robot suits) but a line is crossed when you kill Starscream. Another line is crossed when you kill Starscream with Shia LeBeouf.

Compared to everything else on this list... this scene was horrible to watch. I don't mean horrible to watch because it was frantic and badly photographed no, I mean it was heartbreaking to see a character (regardless of his new appearance) from my childhood getting killed slowly by metaphorical paper cuts.
You have to understand. In the cartoon, both Autobots and Decepticons were given personalities (term used loosely) and as such you had your kids who sided with one or the other because the characters were all uniformly awesome. This, narratively, is presumably revenge delivered on Starscream and Decepticons in general. While in every other story this would be met with victorious cheers as we support the hero... no fan should see this! Starscream has died before in the history of the franchise but this... this is just an awful way to go, it is a bloody, nasty way to die. Why Starscream?? Why not a dime-a-dozen Decepticon instead?

I was gutted, to the pit of my stomach.
Poor Starscream...

Carly Vs Megatron:
This scene is bizarre, and frankly shows how little Bay cares about character progression throughout the franchise, and how he takes scenes as isolated incidents.
During the penultimate scenes of Dark of the Moon, love interest Carly discovers a battered and despondent Megatron in an alleyway. Carly manipulates him into join the fight, calling to his tyranical nature, to destroy himself in the process.
Carly is new to the series, Carly doesn't know Megatron. Carly is naturally terrified of most Decepticons.
Megatron is the leader of the Decepticons, a leader of evil robots who are named with the art of deception in mind!
How does this scene make sense? It feels like a leftover from when Mikeala was still involved. This scene ultimately becomes important as it seals Megatron's fate, but for Carly to be the one to do it?? Carly didn't even show this side of her character; she never came across as manipulative or deceptive before now. The scene comes bang out of nowhere!
Megatron has had zero luck and zero compassion from these screenwriters and I think it reaches a new low here. Like a lame dog he is forced back into the light of day only to be put down... again... by a random-hot-chick!

Poor Megatron...

Review: Transformers Trilogy

Despite what many might say, Transformers has not had the best of histories in terms of reception, going right back to their humble beginnings.
Did you know that Hasbro bought the toys from Japanese toy company Takara Tomy, from lines called Diaclone and Microman toys, and that by 1985 these lines were discontinued?

Hasbro reinvented the toys that they bought off the Japanese, literally giving the toys names and personalities alone and producing a cartoon out of them. Vehicles such as trucks, sports cars and vans were the heroic Autobots while planes and weapons were to become their eternal rivals the Decepticons.
This fledgling franchise would eventually become one of Hasbro's most memorable and successful toylines over the decades. "Generation 1" had its own movie event in 1986, and afterwards the series would go through multiple reinventions.

Personally, I adored the original Generation 1 cartoon but I did not go further than the 1986 movie. The cartoon should be remembered as a distinctly action packed and repetitive laser battle between the same robots again and again, frequently throwing in new "characters" without any introduction so they could sell more toys!
I love it dearly, but I know what it was and it was very good at it!

I did however lose sight of the Transformers for over a decade. I didn't read the comics, I didn't watch the Beast Wars series or future series. I didn't even rewatch my old favourites until news of Michael Bay's movie was announced! Then everything started again.

I bought toys, I followed the online forums and got all the concept art leaked about robot designs. I was hooked. I couldn't imagine Transformers being brought into the real world through CGI, but here it was!

Of course, so far, Transformers has had a difficult time in Hollywood. I still defend it to the hilt as a good source of entertainment, but there are many, many people who somehow claim they are the worst films ever made.

No, the Bloodrayne movies are the worst films ever made. Get it right.

So let's go through this. Let's roll out!

Transformers (2007)

I feel very sorry for those many people who jumped on the bandwagon of hatred towards this series and forget how outright enjoyable the first movie really is.

A simple story of a boy getting his first car, only to discover his car is an advanced alien robot in disguise! He finds himself caught in the middle of an intergalatic civil war between the noble Autobots and merciless Decepticons, and Earth becomes the battlefield.

When Michael Bay stepped up to direct the first live action interpretation of the 1980s cult cartoon Transformers (yes, I use the word "cult" specifically) there were some groans and doubts. But think about it, what does he do best? Explosions and cars. What does Transformers constitute of? Explosions and cars. Under the executive producer eyes of Steven Spielberg and Dreamworks Studios, Bay's outright silliness is restrained and this film actually feels structured.
This comes from some decent acting from/direction of Shia LeBeouf as Sam, regular boy who wants to win the affection of Megan Fox's Mikaela. It takes a good forty minutes before the action takes off and our planet is bombarded with thirty-foot tall talking robots. As a fan, my inner child was (and still does) itch with anticipation! This is the Transformers mandate, heck it is in their motto: Robots in Disguise! We see Bumblebee, Sam's guardian, as a regular car... the film knowingly holds off showing us transformations for as long as possible.
This makes the reveal of all the others, especially childhood cartoon hero Optimus Prime, incredible to see!

You have to understand. As a kid this sort of thing, showing real life Transformers, was only a thing of dreams, the technology wasn't here until this movie. This film glorifies the act of these regular vehicles changing shape and continuing on their way. I still get some chills as Starscream swings around, leaping into the air and transforms.

Another thing this film achieved is often overlooked now. It was a massive success. I mean a massive success. Not only was it nominated for Academy Awards for special effects (and was robbed in broad daylight, The Golden Compass, seriously?!?) but Transformers was always a geeky, disrespected cartoon even at its height (sorry fandom, but it was) and this film broadened the franchise's influence tenfold. Everybody loved Bumblebee, for example, and learned how people like me respected Optimus Prime as a character. It was wonderful! So many newformed fans appearing everywhere. Even my sister enjoyed it!
If you are one of these people and in denial of your initial feelings towards this film, I feel very sorry for you. There is a huge number of fickle-minded people out there.

Is it perfect? No.
Michael Bay still has some influence, though not a great deal, and there are a handful of human characters who do not belong. The story takes unnecessary detours and bypasses just to include human characters who could have been cut completely to make a sharper film. Does it detract from the film as a whole? No.
Yes, there are suspensions of disbelief, yes it is silly and the climax is a myriad of explosions but honestly! This is Transformers! For a first try at making something so ridiculous as this cartoon a living, breathing film, this hits it out of the park and lays a good foundation for improvement. Sadly, for this film (not unlike The Matrix) its sequels do their best to avoid improvement...

It is a fun, entertaining action romp. Exactly what Transformers was and should forever be.

Additional Marshmallows: On a personal note. When I used to watch the cartoon as a kid, I have the distinct memory of saying to my sister: "Hey, we always see Starscream fly off at the end of the episode!" Like this:

Now imagine, with that memory so persistent in your mind, that even after the riotous fun of the climax of Bay's 2007 film (and with a cheering audience around you!) you see.... this as the final credit clip:

!!!!!!
I was gushing with so much childish joy! Once again, Starscream blasts off at the end of the episode!

(I made these GIFs specifically to deliver this point to all of you. Naturally these clips are copyright of Hasbro and Dreamworks)

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

What a way to shoot yourself in the foot. Dive bombing so much promise into an eternity of hatred; instantly switching a blooming franchise into a notorious cluster of nonsense.

With Decepticon leader Megatron disposed of, the Autobots receive reinforcements and team up with human soldiers to hunt down the remaining Decepticons. But little do they know that an ancient Decepticon, known as The Fallen, seeks to destroy Earth. Sam, a college freshman now, holds the key to The Fallen's final plan.
Or something like that.

Okay, so I will be honest... this film is deplorable. A fine line divides what I consider good (the 2007 film) and this, and it mostly comes down to a tragically misaligned screenplay. Scenes come and go, no build up, no tension, no anticipation, no reason, and this mash lasts for over one-hundred and fifty minutes!
The reason for this is simple; during the film's development and production there was a strike at the screenwriter's guild. Lead writers Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman only had a premise before filming began (that's right, no script) so a third writer, Ehren Kruger, was called in to start work on the film. Plus, Michael Bay himself worked on the script, story and even design of some robots. They also had no plans for a sequel to begin with since Transformers '07 was a bigger hit than expected, and a release date barely more than a year after conception was far too optimistic.
Need I say more?

A lot of people don't appreciate how Bay's influence here is much greater than in the first film, or all of these production problems, and ultimate condemn all three films to be equal to its worst part. This part.

This film should be the darker turn in the series: the Decepticons are here and want revenge but no... RotF is packed with unnecessary characters, scenes and a surreal focus on all the wrong things. Terrible comedic turns, cool characters are ignored for unbearable racist stereotypes, character development that bears no emotional impact. The script is noisy and repetitive and the editing is ugly (did I mention that Bay actually re-uses footage, including some from the first film!)
You could argue, as I have in the past, that this is Transformers! It is silly and it is a cartoon for kids, it shouldn't mean anything. But there's being entertaining, and then there's being obnoxious.

The film still looks good. The opening battle in Shanghai is awesome and feels like a good start to the continuation of the series, the robots are fifty-fifty of good and bad designs outside of the returning characters (some of them are very creative looking). It was wonderful to see Ravage in live action, and I am one of the few who liked Jetfire and Soundwave.
Sadly though the climax of the movie is far too messily shot to feel rewarding and the worst crime of all: we barely see the Transformers actually transform. Unlike the first film, this one doesn't glorify it with any scenes tailored specifically for transformations.

I was disappointed even upon the first viewing, and though I still say the Transformers themselves redeem some of its awfulness, the more I watch it... the more I get tired of the rife Bay-isms. At best this is a guilty pleasure, more than the other films in the series.

Additional marshmallows: How on Earth can a film so badly constructed and narratively implemented include such an ironic line as: "Beginning, middle and end. Facts, details, condense, plot; tell it."

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

After their disastrous second outing, few people had faith in the third part, but Dark of the Moon rights a lot of the narrative faults and feels like the sequel the first film deserved.

A despondent Sam finds himself out of the limelight as the Decepticon threat appears to have lessened, Mikaela and Bumblebee have left him and he struggles to find a job and direction in life. But when Optimus Prime learns that humanity had found a vital Autobot ship crashed on the Moon, he rescues Sentinel Prime from the wreck, just when the Decepticons return with a plan to restore their homeworld of Cybertron.

Watching Dark of the Moon feels like an endurance test by the time it finishes, this is due to a ridiculously drawn out battle set in Chicago for the climax. While it makes up for Revenge of the Fallen's terribly underwhelming finale, it does become a blur of insignificance after a while because there's simply too much happening!
But if there is one thing done right this time is a correct use of characters. A lot of the ludicrous padding and fluff from RotF is completely missing; our human characters are involved but not excessively (ie. Sam's parents hardly feature at all!) and let's say this film provides us with humans who aren't noble and just.
There's a lot more of the Transformers too (you would hope so) and it feels like they have a lot more respect shown to them now. Decepticons genuinely appear threatening and the Autobots are shown to have personalities again, continuing from the first film's groundwork (a scene with a silent, brooding Optimus-in-truck-mode is a favourite). The action is off the rails too. More in keeping with the original film we see them transform during battles.
 
There are some deeply unsettling scenes too. The setup involves assassinations against humans who knew about the mission to the Moon, executed by Decepticon Laserbeak (great to see him too), one where he infiltrates a family's house by pretending to be a friendly Autobot playing with their daughter. Woah, woah! RotF was too cheesy, but this is really dark all of a sudden!

As a fan of the Transformer characters, this film sees a lot of deaths. Some are most unforgivable. We haven't seen this many prominent robot deaths since the slaughter that was the 1986 Transformers: The Movie!
The only other gripe I mostly have about this film asides deaths and a bloated finale is Carly, Sam's new love interest (the forgettable Rosie-Huntington Whitely) who is given things to do thanks to the plot, but is far less notable than Fox's Mikaela (I cannot believe I just wrote that) but I do believe the film would be stronger without a love interest. But it is Michael Bay, we need a girl for those slow-mo shots.

It is a vast, vast improvement and a faithful sequel to the 2007 film. It is too long, and it does make some unforgivable decisions regarding Transformer characters, so it feels less perfect in those regards. It is still a fun film though.

Now there is a fourth film coming soon, and I am fully up for it! While I do admit, I would have preferred a new trilogy by a new director... Michael Bay has had his turn... but a Transformers movie is still a Transformers movie to me. So long as it still provides me bright, exciting entertainment with plenty of giant robots transforming before my eyes, I'll be happy with it!

Review: Pain and Gain

You actually have to remind yourself this is a Michael Bay movie.

Mark Wahlberg is Daniel Lugo, a bodybuilder and fitness trainer who, inspired by little more than movies, brings together two equally dimwitted friends in a bid to attain his American Dream. How? By kidnapping a man and stealing all of his money.
But even such a plan proves too much for them, and everything goes from bad to much worse...

If a Michael Bay movie could ever conceivably have actual subtext and actual compelling weight to it (no pun intended) Pain and Gain is as close as we have ever gotten! Based off a true story, yes, a genuine true story, Pain and Gain is one of those black comedies that provides exactly what it intends to give.
Mark Wahlberg and company are completely harebrained, though not in a particularly goofy, cartoonish way but in a manner that all good black comedies can show; a clueless, cringeworthy obliviousness. An ignorance of real life and the consequences that their "simple" plans have.
For the all-American / America-is-Great director, this film actually sings a different tune. While yes, these garish characters are often shown in glamorous success, by the film's end we are given an honest truth; that many people are actually this ignorant, that people don't appreciate what they have and (deliberate or not) ruin other people's lives rather than work hard for their goals.

Of course, that's looking deep. On the surface Pain and Gain is a gaudy movie about morons attempting to commit crimes without knowing how, and living the high life without any morals. There are flashy cars, drugs, torture, strippers (correction: lots of strippers) and plenty of men who care more about their pectoral muscles than any of those things!
Sounds a little divided, but honestly this film surprised me, and a lot of that is to do with its sense of humour. This is higher grade humour than say... Transformers humour. In fact it feels like low rent Tarantino humour. Dwayne Johnson has never been better. He plays a born again Christian, a man who is attempting to redeem himself but gets roped into Wahlberg's scheme instead. He is a buffoon, a huge, towering buffoon and he completely steals the show with his backseat comments and wide-eyed doubt. Seriously, even if you don't like him as an actor, this film may well convert you.

A black comedy of fine quality, quite possibly Bay's best film (whatever that means to some of you) While it is brash and uncouth because that's exactly what it should be, I'd recommend it.